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Before we start, I hope all you Philly jabronis know that this man bangs your mom every single night while your dad cries.
-We are TAPED! in London, England for this one, with thousands in attendance and only a few hundred healthy teeth.
-Jericho kicks us off, even though he was drafted to Smackdown, but he promises this is his last appearance ever. Jericho promises we will want him back soon enough, but Ricky Steamboat interrupts to thank him for allowing Steamboat to turn the clock back. Jericho, however, thinks Steamboat is just a spotlight hog and challenges Steamboat to a match at Backlash. However, then the ULTIMATE spotlight hog, John Cena interrupts before Ricky can answer.
Jericho has had enough of Cena's interruptions (amen brother) and says one of his last acts on Raw is to walk out on Cena. Steamboat accepts the challenge and Cena announces that Vickie Guerrero will not be here tonight and has made Jericho vs. Cena for later tonight. If it's for the title we might have ourselves an interesting situation.
-Chavo Guerrero runs his mouth in the ring about beating anyone on the roster, so someone large answers his challenge....
Batista vs. Chavo Guerrero
Chavo charges and gets Batista Bombed for the win. Well then. Winner: Batista
-Chavo's Raw career is off to a great start. DUD Chavo apologizes to Vickie on the mic and says he wasn't ready so Batista comes back in and Batista Bombs him again. That's pretty decisive.
"We welcome our newest member...CHAVO GUERRERO!"
-Backstage, Shane and Batista air their grievances about last week and make an uneasy truce. SMELL THE TENSION!!
Kane vs. CM Punk
Punk works kicks to start but gets caught with a right hand on a springboard clothesline attempt for two. Kane hits him with a dropkick to the face for another two, then hits the chinlock. Punk fights out but gets hit with a sidewalk slam and tries for the chokeslam, but Punk comes back with a springboard forearm for two. GTS attempt to stopped and Punk eats boot. Kane lifts Punk up for the chokeslam, but Punk counters with the UGLIEST SMALL PACKAGE EVER for the win. Winner: CM Punk
-Short match with a botched ending = 1/4*
Arn is disgusted
-Your hero and mine, Santino Marella, is out to apologize to his sister, Santina (some people believe they are the same person, can you BELIEVE IT?!!?). Santina, unforunately, is not there and joins us on the video wall live from Italy (helpfully shown by having every single Italian monument in the background). Santina has developed a cold sore on her lip and cannot be there. However, the tape starts fast forwarding, which is excused by the Red Bull she drank earlier, according to Santino.
Beth Phoenix and Rosa come out to inform Santino that Vickie Guerrero has made time at Backlash for Santina to make out with Khali, all while the Santina tape plays in the background.
Women's Championship Melina vs. Beth Phoenix
Beth quickly hits a powerslam for two then locks on a submission hold. Melina fights out but Beth catches her in an inverted torture rack, which Melina attempts to reverse with a backslide, but Beth runs her into the corner. She recycles the spot from the Royal Rumble, using Melina's own foot to kick her in the head, which brings back all sorts of fantasies about Melina's flexibility.
$5000 bucks for her to do that move in your bedroom
Melina comes back with rights and hits kick into a split for two, but Beth catches her coming off the ropes and gets two. Beth sets her up top, but Melina fights her off and hits a facebuster from the top, which didn't look as cool as it sounds. Rosa distracts Melina, but Beth hits her by mistake and Melina hits the Last Call for the win. Winner and STILL Champion: Melina
-Surprisingly, this didn't suck so bad and gets **1/4 for a decent match.
-Backstage, HHH promises to get all his anger out on Orton tonight.
John Cena vs. Chris Jericho
Jericho attacks rights away, pounding down Cena in the corner and hitting a back suplex. Elbow off the ropes sets up a right hand to the face and there are definitely some Jericho-holics in England tonight. Cena's first comeback attempt is ended by a clothesline for two and Jericho follows with a suplex for another two. They trade punches, allowing for that weird "yay-boo" thing that is all the rage with the kiddies nowadays. By the way, Jericho=yay, Cena=boo. Cena comes back with his usual tackles and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Attitude Adjustment attempt is countered into a DDT for two while Lawler tries to pass off the booing of Cena as the "WWE Universe just having fun with John Cena", yeah King, keep telling yourself that. It's not that they are sick of the guy, it's that 20,000 people have an inside joke with him.
Jericho tries a leap to the outside, but Cena catches him and Jericho turns it into a facebuster that hits Cena's face off the steps. Now that's a cool spot. Cena is out on the floor and WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK TONY!!
Dragon reminds Cena what a real man looks like
We're back with Jericho getting two in the ring and you can tell that Jericho just LOVES playing this heel character. He stomps a mudhole in the corner and then steps on Cena's head...simple but effective. Walls of Jericho is countered, but Cena's resulting charge is countered with a suplex for two. Facebuster attempt is countered by Cena and Jericho is run into the corner and he hits the post and lays on the ropes. Cena powers Jericho onto his shoulders and tries an AA from the top, but Jericho counters into an electric chair drop for two. Jericho is just dismantling Cena's offense like a machine at this point.
Lionsault hits nothing but mat and that allows Cena to take Jericho down for the STF, but Jericho counters into a small package. Cena doesn't kick out, he powers Jericho onto his shoulders and tries the Attitude Adjustment, but Jericho LANDS ON HIS FEET (kinda) and hits the Codebreaker for a close two count. I stand in awe as Jericho is carrying Cena to a very good TV match. However, Jericho gets frustrated and charges for another Codebreaker and gets hit with the AA, but both men are out and by the time Cena gets to the cover, it only gets two. Cena shakes his head in frustration and heads up top, but his legdrop is caught and turned into the Walls of Jericho in a spot taken from Bret Hart and the 123 Kid. Cena fights it and finally powers out and sloppily counters into the STF. Jericho fights to the ropes, but manages to hit an enzuigiri and get another two count. Chris brings Cena to the top rope with him, but Cena stuns him with a right tries a superplex, but Edge runs down out of nowhere and shoves both men off for the bullshit finish. Winner: No Contest
-Well, this was a HELL of a TV match until the terrible ending. Seriously, if you ever want a great example of what it means to "carry" someone, watch this match and you'll understand. ***1/2, it would have gotten higher if it had a finish, but it didn't. Jericho dismantled Cena's offense and would have went over huge heading to Smackdown, but you can't job Cena when he has a World Title match coming up, so that's why they invented DQs.
-Post-match, Edge spears down Cena and hits a conchairto, then counts to 10 and sends a message to Cena for this Sunday.
-Recap of Big Show knocking out Jeff Hardy and then Matt runs in to beat him down some more. Jeff is leaving WWE in a few months anyway, so who cares?
Rey Mysterio vs. Big Show
Rey tries to hit and run, but gets clotheslined down and then tossed across the ring like a sack of shit. Show sets Rey on the top rope before chopping him to the floor. Rey comes back in and gets swatted away, but hits a very unconvincing headscissors takeover that stuns Show against the corner. 619 hits Big Show's ass, then Rey puts him into the real position, but Show catches him, looks him in the eye, then punches his lights out. THAT was awesome. Winner: Rey Mysterio
-I would bitch and complain about the Intercontinental Champion jobbing, but the belt hasn't meant shit in years, so who cares? Anyways, it's a *1/4 match because it was too short to be anything substantial.
Used to make ushers pregnant with his matches
-Recap of Shane being disqualified against Cody Rhodes on Superstars and Batista beating DiBiase on Smackdown.
-Priceless has a meeting of the minds backstage, and the seeds are beginning to be planted for DiBiase's eventual face turn, but for now Orton interrupts and proclaims his awesomeness.
-DID YOU KNOW? That more males under 35 went to WWE.com than Oprah.com. This is a big surprise? Did you outdraw SoapOperaDigest.com too?
No-DQ Match HHH vs. Randy Orton
So why did I pay for the match at WrestleMania when they show it for free, with a No-DQ stipulation, 2 weeks later? Dumb booking, dumb, dumb, dumb. Orton attacks right away, but HHH comes back and hits a clothesline. Randy rolls outside to recover and then attacks Hunter when he follows him out, but HHH runs him into the ring barrier. HHH preps an announce table but fickle irony rears its ugly head and Orton slams his head against it. Orton gets the new rated-PG WWE weapon of choice, the garbage can, but nothing comes of it. Back inside, Orton hits his neckbreaker for two, but HHH comes back with a high knee that sends Orton outside.
HHH gets occupied with the referee and Orton hits him with a garbage can but it's OUR LAST BREAK OF THE NIGHT FOLKS!!!
Don't lie...you'd use them
We're back with Orton sending Hunter into the steps at ringside then rolling him back inside, then bringing the steps inside with him. Orton's overacting on how heavy the steps are is actually pretty funny when someone like Mick Foley throws him around like they are nothing. HHH's head meets the steps and Orton gets two while Michael Cole gets to say "kicked out on instinct" for about the 12th time tonight. Now Orton preps the bottom half of the stairs outside the ring and then attempts to use the hangman DDT from the apron on them, but HHH counters and spinebusters him on the steps. HHH grabs a chair, but Orton moves before damage can be done and scrambles back in the ring. HHH hammers away in the corner then USES THE KNEE for the facebuster and gets two.
HHH tries to use the garbage can, but runs into a boot, but he still manages to spinebuster Orton on the can and get two. HHH tries his luck with a chair again and smacks Orton hard on the back. HHH pauses to tell Orton to look him in the eyes, but that's his undoing as Orton is able to counter and DDT Hunter on the chair. Orton tries the Punt but misses and HHH clips the knee, and NOW.....WOOOOOO!....we go to school! Whoops, wrong guy. HHH wraps Orton's leg around the post and then smacks it with the chair, a good way to do damage to be sure. HHH punishes the knee inside the ring then earns BONUS POINTS with me by putting the Figure Four on the CORRECT leg (the straight leg is the hurt one, fans usually think its the other way around). Orton makes the ropes, but it's no-DQ so Orton has to bail out of the ring to break it.
Back inside, HHH stays on the leg with some vicious stuff and then tries to PILLMANIZE Orton, but Legacy predictably runs in. Shane-O-Mac runs out and takes out Priceless with his terrible punches, but DiBiase lowbridges him and gets rid of Shane. Crowd knows what's coming next and Batista comes running out to destroy everyone. Priceless is very good fodder. However, Cody ducks out of the way of a Batista spear and he hits Shane by mistake, which HHH doesn't like. Finally, everyone clears out and Orton hits the RKO for the win. Winner: Randy Orton
-Well, and I might get shit for saying this, but this was better than their WrestleMania main event AND set up Backlash pretty well, with tension on the face side and Orton holding a victory over HHH. The lack of blood in a match with this kind of background is distracting, but I guess I won't be seeing it for awhile anyways. I tell you what though, and I might regret saying this, but if these two have a rematch at Summerslam and they can get a no-DQ stipulation, I say give them a half hour and go for it. ***
Final Word
This show had 2 nice, long wrestling matches and they were both very entertaining...and really that's all I ask. Backlash is a stipulation-filled show, so that's the sell they are looking for. Honestly, it would probably be a decent event to order, even though the undercard was thrown together and probably will suck.
wow u have no life.....you know this is fake right?
well since you took the time to knock someone elses review obviously your life isn't any better, and yes he knows its fake and we all don't need to be reminded of that.
i liked tonights raw, and i thought the orton/hhh match was better than the wm match, actually i expected the run ins to happen at mania, and i couldn't get into the match because of that.
wow u have no life.....you know this is fake right?
I'm not sure I follow your logic on this one here, sir. It's fake, and yet you're registered on here to discuss the very thing that you tell me is fake. I stand in amazement at your superior intellect. As a well-educated, articulate, and good looking wrestling fan, I happen to know that wrestling is, indeed, predetermined. But thank you for reading my review, it's always nice to hear from fans. If you would like an autograph, just send a self-addressed stamped envelope to the address I've provided. I'll be sure to send it first class so you can frame it as soon as possible.
To everyone else, thanks for the comments...and yes the Big Show does continue to deliver the suck on every single event. If this man couldn't break **** when he was 350 lbs., there's no way he's doing at at 12042 lbs. or whatever he is now.
I could have been forgiven for thinking i was watching Monday Night Smackdown last night. In the first hour there were so many Smackdown superstars it was getting ridiculous. Raw was ok last night, i enjoyed the main event and the Cena-Jericho match. Chavo got buried as expected. No sign of MVP or Miz which was dissappointing. Hopefully Raw superstars will get more exposure next week on their own show.
Great preview again JTTS, lol at the loser who spent time to read the preview, criticise it all while creating a user name on this forum.
Current UCW World Tag Team Champion with Shelton Benjamin(16.11.09 - ?)
W-L-D 23-2-0
UCWs SOLE SURVIVOR - TYSON KIDD!
E-fed History
click to show
UCW:
Former X-Division Champion (157 Days – Longest ever)
Former Intercontinental Champion (9 Days, dual champion with X-Division)
Former Legends Champion (First ever UCW Legends Champion and Longest Reigning – 54 Days)
Hold victories over three seperate World Champions, Edge, Undertaker and John Cena
All as Kofi Kingston.
UCWs Kofi Kingston 23-2-0
UCWs Shelton Benjamin 4-1-0
UCWs Mark Henry 2-0-0
UCWs Layla 3-2-0
UCWs Tyson Kidd 3-0-0
GUWs John Morrison – 1-0-0
CWAs Jeff Hardy – 3-0-0
ETWs Hart Dynasty 4-1
I'm not sure I follow your logic on this one here, sir. It's fake, and yet you're registered on here to discuss the very thing that you tell me is fake. I stand in amazement at your superior intellect. As a well-educated, articulate, and good looking wrestling fan, I happen to know that wrestling is, indeed, predetermined. But thank you for reading my review, it's always nice to hear from fans. If you would like an autograph, just send a self-addressed stamped envelope to the address I've provided. I'll be sure to send it first class so you can frame it as soon as possible.
To everyone else, thanks for the comments...and yes the Big Show does continue to deliver the suck on every single event. If this man couldn't break **** when he was 350 lbs., there's no way he's doing at at 12042 lbs. or whatever he is now.
wow what a looser...ididnt even read past the first paragraph. and just cuz u use dictionary.com doesnt meen ur smart..and ur not funny..
go outside and do something productive like me. after all i am a 4 time provincial highschool wrestling champion
Seriously, if you ever want a great example of what it means to be a 'tepid' writer and subsequently providing a generic review, read this review and you will understand.
go outside and do something productive like me. after all i am a 4 time provincial highschool wrestling champion
I dnt noe whos autograph i want more ?????
The "4 time provincial highschool wrestling champion" *cough* get over yourself buddy *cough* or the framed one from JTTS first class................
JTTS keep up the good stuff bro your reviews are awsome, informative and funny!! btw do you take money orders for you autographs or straight up cash?? haha
wow what a looser...ididnt even read past the first paragraph. and just cuz u use dictionary.com doesnt meen ur smart..and ur not funny..
go outside and do something productive like me. after all i am a 4 time provincial highschool wrestling champion
Can you learn how to type right first buddy? Stop bashing this guy. You want him to do something productive, well this is. He is a hell of a writer and a better man then you will ever be or wish to be. So what if you a high school wrestling champion, what does that get you in the real world? You can make good money for writing and doing great reviews like our friend JTTS does. These are the greatest reviews about Raw, and he does it every week. Do use a favor and leave please.
Enough of that. I love your reviews man. I can't wait to read them. They are the first things I read after Raw. You get everything spot on and bring lol's along the way. Keep it up.
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CWA's Current International Champion Cody Rhodes
(1/24/10 - ?/??/??)
5-0-0
UCW's Evan Bourne
0-2-0 UCW Smackdown's Next Big Thing Brock Lesnar 2-3-0
Well sir...your "4 time provincial highschool wrestling champion" title is certainly impressive. However, unless you get paid for that you might want to consider investing in a really good spellchecker or perhaps repeat 8th grade English.
Zenaku, once again, it's always nice to hear from such a big fan as yourself. Genius is rarely understood and it takes a real man to admit when someone likes my reviews as much as you do. Always appreciated.
Since I'm in Australia, I read JTTS' reviews to see if anything is worth watching, and it looks like I'll sit through the whole Raw, because I want to see the Jericho/Cena and Orton/HHH. Whatever Melina did again sounds interesting and I wanna see how they go about turning young master DiBiase face.
--------------------
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaneforchamp
Quad speaks the truth
UCW Smackdown's Dolph Ziggler 2-1
CWA Anarchy's Rob Van Dam & Rey Mysterio
6-1 & 1-2
-CWA King of the Ring (RVD)
Well sir...your "4 time provincial highschool wrestling champion" title is certainly impressive. However, unless you get paid for that you might want to consider investing in a really good spellchecker or perhaps repeat 8th grade English.
Zenaku, once again, it's always nice to hear from such a big fan as yourself. Genius is rarely understood and it takes a real man to admit when someone likes my reviews as much as you do. Always appreciated.
Actually my statement was a small parody of a statement that you made somewhere in your review when referring to the Cena/Jericho match up that infuriated me greatly, wasn't quite serious, but was somewhat furious. The statement was..."Seriously, if you ever want a great example of what it means to "carry" someone, watch this match and you'll understand."
I will elaborate on this tomorrow, my time is short at the present....
wow what a looser...ididnt even read past the first paragraph. and just cuz u use dictionary.com doesnt meen ur smart..and ur not funny..
go outside and do something productive like me. after all i am a 4 time provincial highschool wrestling champion
sorry but this is just too funny to me, you make it easy congratulations!!! your life peaked in highschool, and by judging from your use of grammar and spelling, wrestling was all you learned,
now do something useful and productive in this forum and actually post something that has to do with the topic k.
Actually my statement was a small parody of a statement that you made somewhere in your review when referring to the Cena/Jericho match up that infuriated me greatly, wasn't quite serious, but was somewhat furious. The statement was..."Seriously, if you ever want a great example of what it means to "carry" someone, watch this match and you'll understand."
I will elaborate on this tomorrow, my time is short at the present....
Ah I understand. I knew that statement would probably draw some heat, but that's alright. I will wait for your response before I state my case as well.
Raw Review (April 20, 2009)
Space Invaders
Linear Mode
